not a choice…

I have been facing a few challenges lately with being the Mama of that “kid”.  You know the one with the quirks.  The one who has the meltdown because things are not going his way.  The one who makes the noises.  The one that can’t look you in the eye and you think they are ignoring you. I am that Mama at the store that people look at and then away.
Yes I AM!  I AM the Mama to an amazing child and gift from God.  Yes, we may not be “normal” but what is normal anyways. We were chosen by God to be this beautiful boys parents. 

I AM the Mama to a child with Autism, Asperger’s to be exact with a side of OCD, ADHD and SPD.   I often joke that we have Alphabet soup behind our name.  I am writing this today to let my fellow “Superhero” Parents and friends that we are here for each other and to support each other.  Lately I have had some friends facing some rough times with “fitting” their piece into the mainstream puzzle and it has really spoke to me.  I have been there.  I keep remembering to take a deep breath, pray and I count to 10 a lot.   I have learned to speak up and am teaching Cameron to advocate for himself too.  Thank you Ms. Anna K for that reminder. 

I am grateful to be at a school that does a pretty good job of inclusion, not perfect but we are getting there.  We have STM for All and the support of Friends of FIRE.  These two programs help keep my “gift” and others in a regular classroom and help in the fight for an Inclusive Religious Education.

I am grateful to be in an amazing network of friends at that school.   (We refer to each other as the Real Housewives of STM or RHSTM.)  I am grateful to be on this journey with Mr. Miller.  I am grateful for my family and my faith.  Without all of these components I couldn’t do what I do.

I was cruising Facebook this morning and a gal I love at Autism With a Glass of Wine had a great picture and caption this morning.  Head over to her page, give her a big ol’ LIKE.  She might enlighten your world just as she has mine.  

“I am beautiful not broken.  Different not less.  Challenged not challenging. 

Overwhelmed, not spoiled.  Autism is not a choice.

However, acceptance is.”

Remember the next time you are at the store, park or wherever that child who isn’t “normal” in your eyes might not have a choice in how they are feeling and how they are reacting in the moment, but you do.

yesterday...

Yesterday was going very well.  Lot's of sunshine, production in Green Acres Closet, totally prepared for my STM 4 All Meeting and Henry gently playing along side me wherever I was working.  I left to get Cameron and as well pull in the school parking lot Henry fell asleep as usual so I decided in the 10 minutes of peace to myself I would check my emails.  That is when I let an email ruin my day.  I say "let" very strongly.

I had a reader leave a comment that was not what I would call respectful to me, my family or my way of raising my family.  It immediately sent a black cloud over head.  I tried to hide it but my sweet, gentle Cameron figured his Mama out.  As we were sitting there waiting our turn to pull out I felt this warm little hand on my shoulder, which for a child with Asperger's says a lot.  I take every touch as a blessing and savor them.

His soft voice said, "Mama are you mad?"
Me:  "No Cameron, Mama is just a little sad."
Cameron:  " Why?"
Me:  "Because someone used some words that hurt me, I will be OK."
Cameron:  "I am sorry, Mama.  I love you, does that help?"
Me:  " More than you know Cameron!"

Last night I was checking Facebook and had some very sweet comments about my Leftovers post.  Thank you my sweet friends, you defiantly were a big part of turning my frown upwards.  OK God, "post it note" 1 received.

Then this morning I was doing my "blog stalking" and I came across a new favorite, Passionate Homemaking , she brought things into perspective for me.  This was my "post it note" 2 from upstairs.  She talks about Ma Ingall's and some words of advise she gave to Charles.  In an episode Pa had done something to anger her and it was growing deep inside of her.  She finally had enough and said to Pa "It's such a waste of time to be angry at you!"

No truer words ever spoken.  I let this person ruin my day.  Why?  Why did it matter?  Lindsay you are so right.  Feeling sorry for myself didn't improve the situation and it was a big WASTE of my time. I should have stopped and prayed for her.  I am praying today for her.  I am hoping that whatever trials she is going through she can find solace in.  I am a good Mother, Wife, Friend and Person.  I took a moment to re read Proverbs 31 this morning and Proverbs 31:25 is so true here.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come



So yes, I am smiling again this morning.  Laughing at life's little lessons and how I need to stop and realize that people are people.  I know that I am doing what's right for my family and me.  We try to serve God, help our neighbors and I know I can go to sleep at night knowing I served my God with grace and dignity.