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Thursday, August 11, 2011

i seem to have lost something…

   I seem to have lost something…

Where did this confident Mama go?  Where has she placed her rhythm, her confidence, her structure?

garden update 039

This picture was taken 2 years ago when I started this quest to find a simpler life.  I seemed so together with a plan.  When did my sights get so foggy?  Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by life that you just want to dig a hole and crawl in?  Well if so come on the water is warm. 

This year has been so full of obstacles that I feel I am on a constant roller coaster.  Sometimes it is the ride of my life with sheer excitement and other times I just close my eyes and pray that I don’t fall off.  Between Cameron and the ever changing rhythm of Asperger’s, Henry and the two’s (enough said there), the constant change of members in the Sippy Cup Gang…I have lost my way.  Where is the Map, Garmin or trail boss because I have lost my way back to my “Rhythm of the Home”.

Mr. Miller and I had a long talk last night on the patio, long overdue, and he pointed out that I haven’t been myself and he is missing me.  Wow, that hits home in so many ways.  It’s true.  No spark, passion, mojo or whatever you want to call it.  I quit writing, sewing, reading and just plain enjoying my world around me.   Mr. Miller is willing to help me in any way he can.  We decided that maybe, just maybe I need routine as bad as my Cameron does.  Does routine = rhythm?  I don’t know but it is at least a starting point.

My first attempt has been planning next weeks menu for both dinner and the Sippy Cup Gang lunches.  Cameron is going back to school next week and it will be welcomed on so many levels.  I love my little man but he needs his school day routine as bad as I need my routine here.

I am going to work on getting my lesson plans in order for the Sippy Cup Gang as well.  Livi and Henry are ready for preschool and there is no reason that I can’t do this.  I have found some great resources, more to come later on that.

Thank you for listening and letting me put it all out there.  It does make me feel better.  I would ask for prayers, suggestions and kind thoughts if you want to share.


  1. Maeghan, Sending lots of gentle ((hugs)) and prayers to you. I hear you and I can identify a little bit. It is easy to lose your way, but it sounds like Mr. Miller is there to support you as you find your rhythm again. Maybe as your cheerleader he can clap to help you keep the beat and your rhythm. Last weekend I heard Sara Groves speak and she mentioned in times of trial she asked God to just give her Manna for the moment. That phrase stuck with me and I have uttered it myself in the past few days.


  2. So good to hear from you! I'm sorry you are feeling lost. I've spent quite a bit of time on that meandering trail. It's scary and frustrating and normal. I'm wondering if these "lost" times are simply a time of transition from one chapter of our lives to another. I don't know. Hang in there. I think you have some good plans to find that mojo. You are not alone!

  3. Maeghan...thanks for being so honest! I remember those days when the kids were little and the demands were big. I think we all go through seasons where things are more topsy turvy than level. You've got a lot on your plate but it sounds like you've got a great husband who is willing to walk with you and encourage you along the way. I'll be praying for you and your family.